The last two times I tried to talk to you about it you left the room It also meets my need for supportive community and family relation. 7 On the basis of that you can see clearly and precisely pick the words to communicate what you would like. Naming the feeling and seeing the need (for ‘safety’ or for ‘change and flow’) could lead her to request of you to support her in something difficult she is struggling with at the moment.

They imply that someone is doing something wrong to us, we blame them, and it will often result in them closing their ears. On a large scale, between groups, peoples or nations, the picture is more complex and the actions bigger but the mechanisms are almost always the same as in these simple examples.There are many words for feelings but it almost always comes down to four basic feelings and combinations of them. This kind of communication ignores the freedom of choice and cuts the connection.

You are so amazing. You bring yourself in and the colleague is listened to and taken into account.

In the menu on the left you will find pages with central NVC topics: feelings and needs, and pages with NVC websites and NVC literature for further reading.The way that each of us are used to speaking is not the only way we have.

…”Will you be willing to see if you can sit still with your hands?” … ”Could we agree that it’s okay if I remind you about it if you do it again?”How would it feel for you to communicate in the first way?

This is not wrong.
Listening to needs is to listen to ‘the heart’ as opposed to ‘the head’. This could create time and space to explore how it feels to be you when you speak like that. : “liberal” or “conservative”).The goal of nonviolent communication, or NVC, is to help us communicate our feelings clearly by observing objectively, identify feelings and communicate with compassion.Imagine as an example that you son left his toys all across the floor.Son, when I see your toys spread across the kitchen’s floor I feel frustrated because I need our house to be clean and safe.Starting with “I” instead of “you” is a staple of communication manuals.Observing without evaluating is one of the keys of nonviolent communication and one of the most difficult steps to master.For example the phrase: “Mark always comes late at work” already implies an evaluation.The author talks about creators and victims, which is basically the internal vs external locus of control.You go from victim to creator by asking what do you wantTaking responsibility means that you don’t blame anyone else for your own feelings.What someone does is a stimulus, but it’s never the cause of our response.There are a few ways people normally react to strong accusations:A better reaction though would be to walk through your own feelings and verbalize them.I feel offended and dejected when you say that because I have really been trying to take your needs into accountThis response will clarify your own feelings and get you more easily down the road of resolution.OK. I can recommend it both for general communication and for communication within a relationship. If you can connect with your own needs and communicate them with the intention of connection then What we have just been through is the difference between NVC also helps to really listen to another person and ask until their needs and motivations are clear.

Perhaps you can feel a difference in your body’s tensions?If you noticed a difference, perhaps you too find it interesting to see that the way we choose to communicate can change the way we experience the world around us? This leads to imprecise decisions that are not in accordance with ourselves and others.

(I said a little bit about this in my other post on ways NVC hurts people.)

(about ‘false feelings’ see also Needs are what motivate everything we do. This is something else than what is common among us: that we quickly go up to our heads and seek to solve the situation immediately.
This is to transform dependency into free relation and life that flows again. Because: All judgmental communication creates dependency. However, there might be great opportunities for clarity and learning that we are overlooking.At this place, let us take two examples to illustrate the difference between ‘normal’ language and NVC language.

My heart feels soft and warm.


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